Raptor (raptor41887) wrote,

A Review of Pirates 4

Before I say anything, let it be noted that this is my 1000th post in this LJ. Where's my cake? (Those who make Portal references will be shot.)

Now then. Pirates 4. Or, to be fancy about it: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

It wasn't a bad movie, but I can't bring myself to call it good. Largely because of one of the most infuriating instances of What Happened To The Mouse I have ever seen.

In this movie, we are introduced to Philip Swift, a missionary. His name is not very memorable (I had to look it up on Wikipedia) but his character is. He's the only unambiguously "good" character in the whole movie. Near the end of the movie, he is badly wounded, but his love interest promises to save him. Without spoiling too much, the way in which she "saves" him left me wondering "WTF?"

His love interest is a mermaid. Throughout the movie, mermaids are said to be evil (or at least immoral) creatures who seduce men and drag them to watery graves. Then we meet Serena, a "good" mermaid. Near the end of the movie, Philip is badly (probably mortally) wounded. Serena says she can heal his wounds, but he says something to the effect of "All I want is forgiveness." She then drags him underwater, and that's the last we see of him. (I stayed for the after-credits scene. Still no sign of him.) So... WTF? Does he drown? Was she evil after all, or did she understand that he wanted to die and be with the Lord? Or maybe she really saved him - maybe she magically turns him into a mer-man or something? Personally, I choose to believe the latter, because he was one of the more likeable characters in this movie, and it seems a waste to let him die.

As for the other characters introduced in this movie, we have Blackbeard - the main villain, portrayed by the awesome Ian McShane - and his Action Girl daughter, played by Penelope Cruz. As much as I wanted to like McShane's character, I found them both somewhat bland and shallow. The Spanish Armada also shows up near the end. Their leader seems like an interesting character, but he sadly doesn't get much screentime.

Returning characters include Jack Sparrow (OF COURSE!), Mr. Gibbs, Barbossa, and a brief appearance by Keith Richa--err, Jack's dad. Talented actors all, but it seems like they were trying to make the best of a rough and clunky script. They did their best but the end result is still a bit "meh".

So yeah. That's what I think about that.
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